Turns out it's quite an established firm, fancy lobby and all these marble chess and certificates on the wall kinda firm. I am not sure why but I have this trauma entering boutique legal firm, they have this eeriness air going on. People in there rush quietly and on their feet all day long. Not to say they had to do their task standing, but you, need to be quick and stuff, despite working in a scary place.
Sigh.
Just waiting in the lobby itself make my heart sank a little.
There's this voice beside me saying
"A lawyer kd? I know you look good as a lawyer, I mean people see you and say you are a litigator, but are you? Can you cope being fake as a lawyer? Are you one? Are you?"
Damn this stupid insecurity voice.
I am just gonna act all talkative and say all the right thing the best I could.
I saw one fat indian dude, I was hoping he'll be the boss interviewing me. Turns out no, the boss turns out to be someone who does have a grip on himself. He's well presented, he was busy speaking on the phone when I was seated, and nice simple office, and polite too.
So polite that he made me squabble whether to make some funny jokes or not about myself.
Sigh.
I tried my hardest not to be blank at times when he asked these general typical questions like:
"So what can you tell me about yourself"
"What do you understand about being a lawyer"
"Summarize to me what is Intellectual Property"
"What was the happiest moment during your pupillage"
You know what mr boss, I was not happy at all during my pupillage and fuck this shit, I'm out of here.
Do you know that feeling of losing faith mid-conversation that you wish you could just stand up and leave.
That did not happened coz i preserved. Leaving the office like a total shit crap and telling myself I've delivered my best (if I can re-do that interview, I'll give the same result anyways, coz that's me yall)
I do remember some glimpsed of me making them laugh, saying some clever fast shit and them nodding, and saying some wow factor stuff hearing them say "wow", but what sad about that was it was general shit and the fact that i am zero on Intellectual Property really just make me feel fucking down.
And you know, the way it all finally wraps up at the end, he was all like "Okay I'll give you the answer latest Monday after I met the other candidates" thing was like okay I know what the answer gonna be on Monday coz you've made up your mind, sir. You just waiting for Monday to email me that answer.
"Thank you for taking your time to meet us for the interview, HOWEVER WE ARE SORRY THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH"
yeah. I am so feeling like crap, one reason is because I want it so bad, but boutique firm made me think twice, and I am unsure do I want it now, and am I sad or actually do I secretly hoping that I did not made it?
(Hmm.. I think I do am hoping I get a no answer so that I will feel relieved to continue with my life, rather than getting a yes and then suffer with the stress workload, omg am i furreal )
So yeah..
I am praying for some news from UNHCR though... let me serve the planet, be a humanitarian and just die in peace please. Fuck this corporate shit. I am holding a funeral for that business dream.
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