Normal

Why did I do the things that I do
The opposite of what I wanted
Because of fear of causing hurt to others
I said
"Let me be hurt instead"

And so I walked the thorny path
I bled but I keep walking on
As long as the people I care
Happy
Happy and safe from harm
That I might caused onto them

I feel like a monster sometimes
A typhoon
Unwelcome trouble
A knife waiting to cut you

I wonder if there are other monsters like me
Unfit and lost in adjustments
Floating above the ocean of settled life
Looking for a home
A friend in someone
A match of mind

Waiting for someone to see the monster I am
I wonder if they forgotten the hurt I gave them
I wonder why they loved me for that torment

I am a vessel filled with sadness and regret
Seeing love in life through cracks of sunlight
They shine through despite the wall I built
I still feel blessed in all it's entirety

I am eager to leave this world
This world that I am still unable to fit in
Seeing everything from outside in
Dreaming and lost in my ultimate consciousness

I hate myself for unable to love myself
I hate that I couldn't just live to be me
I hate to still wonder what I am truly capable of
I hate to feel unfit with anyone and anything

Life is short I am glad about that
This dimension lacks the warmth of love and understanding
My ego crushes whenever they rejected me
My life went in circles why can't I just be